Being in the novitiate means one thing above all: being free. I am not yet bound by any vows, and every day, every moment, I could say, “This isn’t for me after all, I’m leaving.” But it's not only in that sense that I am free. I am also free from all worries about daily bread, monthly income, clothing, and much more. And free from all social obligations outside the monastery. That may sound strange, but it really is a form of freedom. I can simply enjoy receiving mail without feeling guilty for weeks afterward, constantly thinking, "I really should finally reply..." Everyone knows that I’m not allowed to and won't respond for a year. Today, I received my first letter addressed to my new name, from someone I barely know and never expected to hear from. And it’s not the first mail of this kind. It’s fascinating to see who suddenly reaches out.
The question, of course, is: Free for what? St. Benedict gives a clear answer: Free (vacare) for God. I free myself to be entirely available to Him, to give Him my attention and my love. That doesn't mean I have nothing to do all day and spend every moment in the church. No, my days are full. Usually packed. But in everything I do, I remain inwardly free for God. My whole daily routine is meant to help me continually refocus on HIM.
So, the novitiate is truly a precious time, offering a freedom that many in the world may not recognize as such, but it is far more valuable than the highly prized freedom to do whatever you want, whenever and wherever you please.
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